Togetherness

I see a patient and the patient's wife (and her Mother) are also patients. Today I saw both the patient and the wife-patient. Soemtiemes it works like that. I actually have several married couples that are both patients at the same time. It comes with the territory of working where there are many elderly who tend to have lots of neurological problems. This particular couple isn't that elderly, though.
The wife is lonely. She doesn't really feel close to her husband.
The husband is lonely. He doesn't really fell close to his wife.
They both wish that they could be closer to each other.
One had a stroke, the other has migraines.

I'm so used to seeing people who are lonely because they are alone that it is a challenge to care for people who are lonely even when they are together. There are many widows and widowers in my practice. I suppose that some of them were also lonely when they were together. It takes a great skill and acceptance for the people who are together to avoid being lonely. This is very true when one person has a serious illness. It is even more true when a person has a stroke when they are young. It is not expected. There is such great disappointment. People get hurt and they get angry. Life isn't really fair, but when it isn't fair to you, it's upsetting.
I tried to get them to be alittle bit closer today. I don't know if it will work or not. Sometimes we have to try different things. We have to start with very small tasks and be satisfied with the rewards. Mother Theresa said: "There are no great acts. There are only little acts performed with great love."
So I told them to go for a little walk together every day and get a cup of coffee once a week. To some people that may not seem like a very good relationship. But for me, it would be wonderful. That's because right now they have much less than that. I just want them to take one step forward. One step forward is wonderful. Wherever we are, if we see where we want to go we can just go in that direction - we don't have to get there. It's not about getting there, it's about going the right way. If you have a stroke or get sick at a young age it can throw you in the wrong direction very easily.